well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
