Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
