i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize