I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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