We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
