at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
