By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
