i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was born a porn star she said
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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