He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
