Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
