Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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