Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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