Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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