they need to just BURY HIM!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
