you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
