i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
