drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
