im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
