Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
