I hate all girls vehemently.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
