fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
