next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
