The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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