fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
one might say we're banned from that church
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
