i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
