what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
