fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
