im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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