I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
