Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
