Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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