I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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