Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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