I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
birth control should be required to get into college
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
