I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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