Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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