I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
