You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
