I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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