Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
