SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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