think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
