My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize