MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
