Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
