My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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