You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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