i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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