They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
