Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
