i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
