It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
