Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
